why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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