i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
