It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
