You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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