He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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