I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
