I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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