At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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