Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
