We won't sleep together?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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