Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
