I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
