it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
