apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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