No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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