maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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