I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
