I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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