finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
