I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
