Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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