nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
