i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
