i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
