It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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