Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
