My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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