So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize