My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
