shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
