God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
