I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
