Pants 0. Shit 1.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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