What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
