We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
