we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
