I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
