Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
