I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
