She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
