Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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