A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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