i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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