For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
