Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
