Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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