i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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