Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
