Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
