I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
