Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
