I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
