I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
