he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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