Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
