so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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