I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
