WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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