I didn't shave. On purpose
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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