Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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