i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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