did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then my night got REAL pukey
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
