We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
