If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
