Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
