Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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