I'm gonna have a badass scar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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