I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
