so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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