it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
