By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
