so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Blood and glitter go together right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
