im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
