If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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