I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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