i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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