Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
