I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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