Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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