im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
