I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
