We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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