WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
