Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize