no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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