ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
