I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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