yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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