all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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