I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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