It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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