I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
