Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
