so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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