hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
