One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate all girls vehemently.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You dont lie about slip and slides
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
