FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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