The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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