i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize