my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize