Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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