Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
